The Dangers of Writing

So when you write something super sarcastic and funny to a friend it’s okay…until you write a super heart-felt pms memory fueled post about an old friend. Then you get worried that you might have hurt a feeling or two.

But honestly. If I wrote a heartfelt post for my friend Leslie it would probably take up to 10 days to write it. And a lot of lying. hahah. KIDDING! I kid. So I was thinking about this and pondering if I should re-do her birthday post and after talking to her about it. I’m just leaving it. Mostly because I’m lazy and I don’t want to write all the memories I have with her. I’m still liking the idea of writing a post for birthdays tho, so don’t think I’m weaseling out of it. This is just how it happens with me. My first one is a trial run and they get better as I go. So my apologies to Leslie for being the first. Sometimes being the first isn’t always the best.

Twitter things: I have a hard time unfollowing real people. Even though they are REAL annoying most of the time. I have found several new blogs by joining “twitter parties” which are mostly fueled by alcohol and all the people involved are tons of fun.

Facebook things: I made a facebook profile for Jesse for the sole purpose of being able to put that I’m in “a relationship” with him. There was something missing and that was it. Now I’m making him friend all my family. I also have urges to write embarrassing things like “I heart spaghetti” and “I heart my girlfriend soo much” and “NARUTO RULES!” haha. But no one would laugh, except maybe me and Leslie.

Random thing that happened to me: I somehow got the song Physical by Olivia Newton-John in my head at work the other day. I was whistling it for over half my shift. Weird.

Blog things: check out these new blogs I’ve found:
No Points For Style
Pretty All True
Sky Waitress
Squashed Mom

 

I am sooo done with people

I’m over people. Really I’m so mad at the people on my facebook except for a precious few that I want to start all over with a psudonym. I don’t think politics has any place on facebook. People as a whole do not know enough about politics to involve themselves in a well thought out disscusion about it and shouldn’t start on a networking site. I know enough about politics to know that I know JACK SHIT. I know this though, that when the committee that selects the Nobel Peace Prize selects someone they DESERVE IT! No matter what you think. I’m so pissed off about this that I’m shaking. And I don’t know why I’m so deeply offended by people on that stupid site that I am shaking. I just am. I want to kick the shit out of something. And there is a dog in the room at the moment…please if you think I’m serious come take him away from us, we can’t have him anyway.
Fuck people. I’m so freaking done with it. I don’t know if this is because I’ve been reading new blogs that are all open to how you really feel about people. But my emotions have snowballed into a gigantic hate ball. I have found what my friend and I have deemed “the seedy underbelly of blogging” and I don’t like it. I had no idea that this was all out there but it is. There are blogging confrences that only a select few can go to…or if you have the money. Or something. And who knew that blogging was SOOO IMPORTANT. That they have to have confrences.
I am so freaking angry. I need to get away from the computer. But I really have no where to go. For the next few days I think I’m going to stay away from Facebook and away from blogs. I need to clear my head and maybe do some actual work.

 

Am I a pedophile?

I keep putting off my other blog idea because things keep coming to mind that are a little funnier and less uhm hard to talk about.
I have overdosed on caffeine this morning. *Note to self: Do not drink two cups of coffee when you don’t consume caffeine on a regular basis* I’m all shaky and I’m watching the View.

Okay so the question: Am I a pedophile? On the View they were talking about this woman (http://www.parentdish.com/2009/09/21/innocent-bath-time-photos-get-kids-taken-away-from-parents/21)and man who got their kids taken away from them for a month after a employee at WalMart turned them in for bath time pictures. Uhm, thank GOD I took my pictures to CostCo! I had a picture, edited and I think one that wasn’t developed at CostCo last year of Oscar in the bath. But now I’m scared!! My kid refuses to wear clothes, and I have tons of pictures of him! Swinging from a tree is the most recent one. Riding on his bike with only his helmet on. Hanging out on the couch, with only band aids on his un-hurt legs. Not to mention the multiple bathtub pictures. It could be considered animal/kiddy pron because the cat is in the picture…
We’ve gone to FAR! Sure the guy was suspicious but really? I know that pedophiles take many shapes and sizes but to take away their kids, and to get suspended from work for it is RE-GOD-DAMNED-DICULOUS. It makes me sick. They waste all this time on a family, breaking them apart and damaging them maybe permanently for what?!
There are so many injustices in this world, but I think this might top them for me, because it hits so close to home. I’m not afraid of taking the pictures but I am editing them before I put them on my facebook page…

 

Changing Names

On facebook all the married people have a choice to put their maiden names on along with their married names so people who knew them “before” can find them easier. Leslie and I were discussing this and I felt left out, because I’m not married. I should be, but I don’t want to, I have a blog about this some where around here, find it. Anyway so today I’m confusing the crap out of people and probably annoying some by putting my name on face book as my first name then my last name…twice. ITS HILARIOUS. But only to myself and Leslie, because we’re freaking dorks.
I have a problem with the whole taking his last name when we finally do get married because I’m insanely attached to my last name. Since 6th grade I was only called by my last name so it essentially was my first name. So now that I’m 30 I’ve had this last name and I really REALLY like it. I don’t really care for Jesse’s last name, it just doesn’t suit me, so I don’t even think I would like to hyphenate it. Plus I don’t really like when people hyphenate their last names, it just seems pretentious. Maybe not as bad as not even taking your husbands last name, but why do I have to? Do I? I mean does it really hurt me in the long run just to keep my last name? Come on how much longer would I have? Would it matter? I don’t see us getting married in the next 5 years, so I’d be over 35 by then, and then how long would I last past then? Whats the point in changing it? Unless we win the lottery and can fly all, and I mean ALL of our family and friends to a huge wedding in Vegas, I don’t think we’ll be getting married soon. It is after all MY day right? And what I want is a big fancy to do at the Luxor hotel complete with an Egyptian themed wedding, down to the dress, which would mean I need to lose 100lbs, (I’m not even kidding). Plus I want all my friends from school to be there, and I want ALL my family to be there…which would cost everyone a pretty penny. Then there would be the honeymoon where we would go to Africa. Yes this is the dream. I can’t see myself having a wedding at this point anyway. We’re dirt poor, and I’m fat. I will not have my wedding pictures with me in them, looking the way I do. No offence to other women who have gotten married when they’re heavy but I am not a cute fat girl. I look horrid fat. Other women look wonderful “overweight” I am not one of them. I HATE looking at pictures of me, I hate looking in the mirror, not that I liked it much before when I wasn’t fat, but its worse now. Yet I have no motivation to change my appearance. Sure I put in a couple attempts here and there, but I have never made any bold moves to change my weight.
Ugh when did I de-rail??
This was supposed to be light and airy about changing my stinking screen name on facebook. And look where it went. I need to get back in to see a counselor, seriously. I’m losing it.
I watched Oprah the other day because my favorite Mariah Carey was on, and I cried, scratch that, I bawled. Yeah, and then there’s this commercial for a cell phone on lately that had a little girl looking for her dog, and a college kid helps by sending the picture via phone to everyone he knows and low and behold! He finds the dog and as soon as the girl sees the dog, I swear to God I tear up instantly. Crazyness.

Okay so I said in my last post that I would blog about my nephew…and I will, I know you’re waiting with bated breath…keep holding!

 

Fighting with Hormones…

Holy monkey I was a big ball of angry the past couple of days. I hate feeling out of control angry. I was angry at people for breathing, that’s how angry I was. And was it PMS? Who knows because with the IUD I might have a period to show for it but I might not. So I was angry and emotional and a wreck for two maybe three days and for what? Nothin. I talked to my mom tonight and I was telling her about flunking a quiz, an open book quiz, because I couldn’t find any of the damn answers and she says “yup, that’s what happens, your hormones steal your brain.” I hate them. Stinking hormones.
So for my transcribing I’m not supposed to put two spaces after periods, and for the life of me I can’t stop that habit. So now I’m doing it on my blog, and I keep doing two spaces then deleting. Its pretty annoying.
Can I tell you something? I HAVEN’T HAD ANY SODA SINCE THAT BLOG! Yeah, that one down there…Not since then. I’m AMAZING! And I’ve been drinking a crap load of water, and I hate it, because I really want something more, and I’m hungry ALL the time, but I am just drinking more water when I’m hungry so I don’t eat more, which works ohhh not very well.
Ugh i had to move my computer down, so I don’t have to type on that stupid keyboard. And now my neck is already hurting, one minute after I put it down lower. I have to figure something out. That’s the task for tomorrow. I think I might have a plan already, I’ll just have to see if it will work, for right now, I lowered my chair and I’m leaned back all gangsta like.
Ugh I just messed around on my Facebook Farm Town game for too long, now its after 11. And I’m d-e-d dead tired. I shouldn’t be because I took a 3 hour nap today. We all did. Oscar, Jesse and I, crashed the f out for three hours. It was good. But now I think I’m tired and I should be tired and yet here I am still typing away not wanting to go to sleep.
Tomorrow I might have to blog about poop, and why I hate Jesse and poop.

 

In need of a "palet cleanser" STAT!

We watch The Soup a lot. And now they have Web Soup on G4Tv that we have to watch, and they show “The Greatest Web Video Ever. (this week)” and usually its gross. So they have “The Palet Cleanser” which is usually a cute animal video. Last time I watched the palate cleanser was a dog riding in a kiddy swing. IT WAS ADORABLE! So this leads me to this…

My sister posted a video on Facebook of a guy getting a zit, or a boil, rather popped on his back. I gagged. Seriously I turned around and gagged. Jesse lasted a whole 30 seconds and had to walk out of the room, he came back just in time to see a stream of puss getting squeezed out and shuddered violently and ran out.
Please if you have a weak stomach like I do, be careful watching this:

http://www.iamboredr.com/media/13891/OMFG_Its_gotta_be_the_biggest_zit_in_the_world/

and when your done…watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ80ONmexJY

Ahh now don’t you feel better?

So I had an intervention on my self today. That’s right I intervened myself. I went on Facebook, yes before I got done with homework, and deleted my Vampire Wars game. And then I went on to delete all, ALL, the friends that I made playing the game, because really they weren’t “friends” in the strictest sense of the word. But it made me anxious for some reason, and I even feel anxious when I talk about it, which is odd. The only thing is now that I only have 124 friends, I’m bored, and the other games that I play suck now because I don’t have as many friends, so I’m kinda regretting deleting them all. But! I know that if I just deleted the game the comments about the game would suck me back in so I had no choice.

Okay so my goals…I did not get off my butt today. I didn’t. I’m sorry. I did eat, a little less, then yesterday. I had no soda. But this isn’t hard for me really, because I don’t leave the house much its really relying on Jesse to get me the soda, and well if I tell him not to once he won’t ever get it for me. But I did spend less time on Facebook today. LESS. And tomorrow it might be even lesser! Oh! I got one assignment done. I didn’t do too bad on it either. I’m thinking I’ll do another one tonight. I don’t want to get to crazy. So! For tomorrow!

1. GET OFF MY BUTT AND DANCE! or do the Wii Active, that’s why I stole it from my sister in the first place.
2. Get ALL of my assignments done.

I think that’s it. I’m thinking if I stick to a couple goals a day I’ll do better in the long run.
Oh, the herbal uppers…its just a lot of Vitamin B. And Niacin. I don’t know if they’re working or not, it takes me a bit to adjust to them, a while back I was drinking EmergenC three times a day and it took I think three days for me to get any energy out of it, I think because my body is so depleted of any sort of goodness that it takes a bit for it to get an excess so I can have that energy.

I watched the Presidents speech tonight, I liked how he laid the smack down. It was good, but the thing that I don’t like is everyone is always talking about the insurance companies. Yes they are bad, BUT if the damn hospitals and doctors didn’t charge so damned much maybe we wouldn’t have to have expensive insurance to cover our asses. I was a little worried early on in the speech how he said that we would “all have to have insurance, like car insurance.” And to that I say UHHH wha?! Just to be clear though he did state later that if you can’t afford it you will get it for free or for less money. That made me breath again. Because if I can’t afford car insurance, I just don’t freaking drive! Plus how are they going to know if you have health insurance or not? I mean if you never go to the doctor why have it? Yes I know for accidents but like Chris Rock says “its in case shit happens” I think that’s bullshit. I think that there should be automatic coverage for everyone, with out charging us. Because we’re in the position right now that we can’t even afford $20 extra dollars a month. So if the heath insurance that WE HAVE TO HAVE is more then that, well take us to jail! The thing is Jesse hasn’t been covered by insurance his whole life, and I think he’s been to the doctor oohhh NEVER in the past 6 years. God knows the guy probably has stomach and mouth cancer from the chew but he hasn’t complained yet! So I think that his insurance should be a lot less then someone like myself who was having to go to the doctor every three months just to chit chat about my depression. The WHOLE health care system here is BROKEN. Not just the Insurance. Heath Care is broken. And needs to be fixed.

Can you believe all the topics I’m covering?! I’m all over the map tonight!

Jesse applied for a security job today, lets hope they ask him to come in before they reject him. I got word from my neighbor that the bank that her sister works at might be hiring soon and if so she is going to put in a good word for me with her boss. Part time, three days a week. That will do!

You know what happens when you stop paying your credit card bills? You get 15 calls a day from an “unknown” number, that will not leave a message. They don’t get it, I know why they’re calling, if they’d leave a message and tell me who they are I might give them a call back. Okay that’s a lie, I won’t, because you can’t squeeze blood from a turnip, and when your rent is $1050 a month and your man is only bringing in well not much more then that, you tend to say “hmm, get kicked out of my house or put my phone on vibrate so I don’t have to hear credit card companies calling me?” The only bills we have been paying are: Rent, electric, water, sewer, car payment, and car insurance. And had we been smart in the past well that’s all we would have to pay but nooo we said “You’ll still have work Jesse! You’ll still be making $2700 a month in a couple months!” Boy were we wrong!
So! This is why I need to get done with my classes. And I need to get a good job that pays me a decent enough wage to be able to pay all the bills at which time will have all gone to those damn evil collections companies who are usually assholes. But! I will pay them! One day! Hopefully soon! We’re hoping and praying, well I’m praying, you know Jesse doesn’t do that, but anyway that he gets a job that is CONSISTANT! That’s all we need, consistancy.

Alright I think I’m done for the evening. Enough randomness for you all? Good!

 

Herbal Uppers

First I have to say because you don’t know this, but my keyboard is super loud. And I hate it, but I had to put the laptop up on a shelf to get it eye level because it was killing my neck to look down at it all the time, so I have a usb keyboard that I’m using and I HATE IT! The keys stick, and its, again, loud. Whew…okay got that out of the way.
I’m feeling super PMSy with out the show, I guess that’s the P in the MS…correct? Yes! Okay so I really wanted to throw the phone today even though I knew KNEW Leslie was joking when she was talking to me. All my emotions are all out of whack, I keep crying at commercials. So I talked to my oldest sister and I was telling her about not being able to concentrate and feeling like my depression was coming back with a vengeance and no I can not go to a doctor because I no longer have health care thank you very much…I can’t stand this keyboard…I don’t care about neck pain at the moment….ahhhh that’s better, I rearranged and go the lappy down.
Anyway! Back to the lecture at hand. So I’m talking to my sister and she tells me that she got some herbal pills from her chiropractor to help her ween off of her anti-depressants, but she didn’t do it so she has these pills and says “hey I’ll send them up to see if they work for you!” I got them this afternoon, and we’ll see how they help. I have no motivation. none. Don’t want to do it. Every time I get on the computer all I do is get sucked into Facebook. You know, I scoffed when I heard a friend deleted her FB account because she was spending “too much time” This was me: “scoff! too much time?! just quit going on it so much, you don’t have to delete it completely” I believe now that you do. I wish I had her email addy so I could say “I am with you sister!” I’m debating on whether or not to do just that, but its too hard to even think about, my palms sweat, just thinking about it.

Oscar’s third birthday was a success. He had a ton of fun, and mostly because there were lots of people here for him to play with. The boys across the street came over (3 boys), My other sister and her two came and then our neighbor girl game over. Oscar had a blast. And I looked at him early in the day and was actually amazed, and here’s where my emotions come out, and I was just, just…I don’t know blown away that I had a baby three years ago, and here he is…talking to me, and bossing me about stuff, and its almost creepy if I over think it. Anyway sorry for the side track. My aunt and uncles came which was nice, I figured they would try and find a way out of it but it was Sunday and they usually do Sunday dinner, so I got to do that for them. Even though all I really did was pasta salad.

I have a few things that I can do.
1. Cook pork chops that you will die for
2. Pasta salad that my family seems to love
3. Make invites, but my limit is apparently 5

So anyway again sidetracked…do you see this? I have the attention span of a three year old. Crap where was I? Oh the birthday party…after it was all done, I got a text from my friend who told me “I just puked in my hand at the bar” and at that moment, I was jealous. That’s right, not “happy about where I am in life.” but “jealous” How weird am I? I should be content with my life! I have what a woman wants right? A man who’s always home and works his butt of to provide for us. A wonderfully bright little boy who everyone falls in love with. I should be happy right? I shouldn’t want to be out drinking and puking in my hand! But I do! I DO! What is wrong with me?! The thing is that if I were single at this moment in my life I would stand no chance of even getting laid. I’m 100lbs over weight, and that’s no bullshit, and lets face it, guys really have high standards now, especially now that I’m 30. I’m no longer 22, which pains me to say. I know I should be looking forward instead of back, but forward to what? To my illustrious career as a Medical Transcriptionist? Face it, its not my dream job. Its going to put money in my pocket and let me stay at home where I want to be, instead of in an office with a bunch of bitchy backstabbing douches. Yeah I said it. But what is my dream job?! A while back all I could think about is being a basketball coach? Where did that go?

This is what I don’t like about depression, and this is why I wish I could always go to a counselor so I could actually talk this out with someone. Someone neutral. Someone who can give me tools to get over this, and make me see that I am a grown up now.

So now that I’m on the computer like ohhh anywhere from 8 to 12 hours out of the day, I shit you negative on that one, my back is not happy. My neck is not happy, I am not happy. And have I done anything pro-active about this? No no I haven’t because I have no will to do anything like exercise. Oh I did…for three days. That’s apparently my limit on exercise, which is weird because back in the day I didn’t mind going to strength training class every day and basketball practice. Man how times change a person.

So if I put goals on this here blog is anyone going to hold me to them? Anyone besides myself because you know I can’t be held accountable for myself. I need a bigger readership for this endeavor I believe.

GOALS:
1. Lose weight like STAT…okay that’s ridiculous.
Restart (I can’t find the strike through…to make it all fancy like I’m really writing this out)

GOALS:
1. Get mobile, like dance around or something, for 10 minutes.
2. GET OFF FACEBOOK!
3. Complete some assignments for the LOVE OF GOD!
4. Stop drinking soda.
5. Eat less. (I eat man sized portions, I’m trying to keep up with Jesse who burns 5000 calories a day)

So tomorrow I will not go on Facebook until my class work is done. Got that? Hold me to it? OK!

OH! Crap, its almost 11pm, and I need to talk about my classes. Save it for tomorrow. AFTER GETTING DONE WITH MY ASSIGNMENTS. (I’m behind schedule…my new schedule)

Peace out