December 16 Man I hate that

December 16

Man I hate that

Okay so I had this wonderfully painful entry.  And I get all done with it, get all my pain and emotions out on here and I hit publish and then it disappears.  So I’m thinking that the great blog gods didnt want me posting such emo-crap on here…So I’m switching it up a bit.  And I’m going to share the random bits of crap that have been said in my family.
First…my mother I love her she’s wonderful but apparently she’s just not hip to the talk…
I’m driving her around Spokane because I hate giving directions I’d rather just drive…and we’re driving and we stop at a stop light and a car pulls up next to us…nice car full of good looking guys, so I look over, they look back and give me the nod, (they cant see my mom at this point)  right at that moment my mom decides to sit up and say out her open window “COOL WHEELS!”  and this is when I look away in disgust…”cripes mom could you be a little more momish?”  But from then on any time myself or friends would see a decent set of “shoes” on a car the first thing that comes out of our mouths is “COOL WHEELS!”
My mom is a great source of wacky things:
We grew up in a small town in eastern oregon, 2 hours away from any other town, we drive to the nearest city which isnt really a “city” just a larger town.  Bend, Or…and on the way there its nothing but desert and crows and the occasionally turkey vulture.  my mother has it in her head that Golden Eagles are in abundance in the area…and every time she see’s a large bird its “LOOK ITS A GOLDEN EAGLE!” and we have to say “no mom thats a crow…or that’s a vulture”  but she gets so excited every time…we have to poke fun.  so Baba and I anytime we see any kind of bird “LOOK ITS A GOLDEN EAGLE…no wait…that’s a sparrow…my bad”
Another story of Grammy:
When gramma was living with us she was done getting all dressed and walked up to my mom and said “Ann it hurts right here”…and she waved her hand at her mid asked, “do you need to go to the bathroom?  what’s the hurt like?”  and gramma says “no..its a pinching feeling”  so mom lifts up her shirt to examine…and Grammy has her boobs…tucked into her pants!  bra is on, but boobs not in bra…they’re tucked nicely into her pants!  mom had to stop laughing before she could help gramma out.
Kid’s say the darndest things….
My nephew when he was four or five…we were in church at towards the end of the service and he’s getting ansey…and his mom is asking him to please be quiet and then as loud as possible he said ‘BUT MOM! I WANT SOME GOD-DAMNED DOUGHNUTS!!”   yup…and you cant keep our pew quiet when that sort of thing is said.  I think the best is that gramps was there and the next time we were in church he leans over to me and says “is this thing over yet…i want some goddamed doughnuts!”
Again the same nephew we tought all the bad words to and my mother didnt appologise to my sister, it was pay backs because when she was in highschool she taught my brothers all the bad words she could as well.  I think he just saved up the bad words though untill we went to church…Shit came out of that boys mouth so often…expecially when it was quiet.
Grammy again:
My mom has seat warmers in her car, and when its cold out those are the best until the heater warms up.  Grammy is in the pasenger seat and mom and her are driving along and gramma looks at her and says “Ann… my ass is on fire!  why is my ass on fire?”
I miss my gramma so much!
Does any other mother have to go through all the kid’s names before she gets to yours?  i have even been called Aba by my mother.  she hit the boy’s names before she got to mine!  I’M THIRD IN LINE!!   it should just go down the line “katie…mel…randa”  my oldest sister katie says her name is ranmelkate.
My mom has a thing with actually  knocking sense into people.  we grew up with it so we’re used to it but the kids at school werent so much.  she would take her middle knuckle and thump you right square in the chest bone.  we all had calloused chest bones.  my sister thinks that she was hit so much that it some how made her boobs not grow.  hmmm…maybe that’s why i have the big boobs…i didnt get hit as much.  and if you were really really dumb you got it in the forehead…that one hurt.  when she taught at the highschool she would have football players doubled over in the hallway from saying or doing something dumb…and then being knuckle punched in the chest.  the best was they still went back to talk to her.  why?  i never could understand that.
My grandpa is a great source for nice sayings.  “she’s like horse shit in a stable…she’s all over the place”  “ann your like a fart in a skillet”  my uncle calls him “captian mcbrag” because of all the stories he tells of being in “the W-W 2”  one day we were watching a commerical that had a bunch of zoo animals in it and the old man chimes in “we had lions and tigers and elephants…in the WW2”  “what?!”  then uncle joe who is the antagonist… “you did not!!”  so then they get in a big fight about having zoo animals in the WW2.
Anyway thats a little dose of the crazyness that happens in the family.  I won’t even go into our thanksgivings or christmases.  You get all five of us together in one place it gets a little hairy!

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