Getting back to it

Well after over a month of not working on my school stuff I’m back to it. I started back up Friday and got done with two transcriptions. I cheated on one but the other one I did myself. It was short and simple. I’m working up to the hard ones. I’m going to do the assignment today, I really have to get going on this because I really need a job. This being poor is not working for us anymore.
We’re settling in and Oscar has finally stopped saying “I wanna go home” all the time, which is nice. I’m liking the kitchen a lot more then our old one. There’s WAY more room. I miss my office, but this is alright because I can have Oscar in here to watch TV while I play work on the computer.
I really don’t have much to say today. My brain is feeling clogged up and not willing to spit anything out.
So I’ll leave you with that.
And a quick update on my dad.
He had to get a bone marrow biopsy and they’ll have the results of that on Wednesday. His oncologist, according to my mom, wasn’t all that worried about “the mass” and his cracked ribs but did put him back on the bone strengthener. So my mom is relieved. I’m waiting till Wednesday to be relieved.

 

Moving sucks.

I grew up in one house. I never moved. My oldest sister was the only one that moved. Once mom and dad found their home in our little town they never left. I didn’t start moving around until college. Then it started just with moving from dorm to home then to a new dorm. Junior year I lived with my uncle in his apartment, then senior year I moved into a house with two friends. After senior year I stayed in that house for a little while longer then moved into another house after my friend moved out of Spokane. After that I moved home to my mom and dad’s. I tried to move out while living in my home town but that proved disastrous because I moved in with a meth head. I didn’t know she was a meth head until after I moved in. So I moved back with my mom and dad. Then I met Jesse and well four months into the relationship I was pregnant and we figured “well we better move in together.” So we did and the day before we got the place, I had a miscarriage, but it didn’t stop us from moving in together. Okay so lets see I’m up to uhm well we’ll start after college…4 places. So after six months of living together in our hometown we moved here to Spokane. First place sucked. Second place was okay, but the roommate situation wasn’t the best. Then I was pregnant and we moved in with my aunt and uncle for a little bit because we couldn’t afford to live on our own. After that we moved into the “rent-controlled” apartments. Lived in one for almost a year, then moved next door. Okay so that’s 9 places. Then finally we found our last place that I LOVED and will always love. And then we had to move here. To a small little house with no privacy from a parent and ugh. The last place was the longest I’ve lived somewhere since college. I know that people do this a lot, but I didn’t. I don’t like it. And especially since we had found such an ideal neighborhood and a good house. So now the plan is to stay here for 2 years and what if I get used to it here?! I want to have a place and just live. I’m tired of packing up everything and doing all this crap. It exhausts me.
So here we are in the new house, and according to Jesse we will not be moving again for at least two years. If all goes to plan that is…and if this house doesn’t go into forclosure. I can get used to it here. I’m not sure if I’ll continue to like living with his mother but I guess I can deal with it.
Okay so are you ready for some bad pictures? Here goes!

This is the new living room, well part of it. I don’t have a wide angle lens on my camera phone.

The wood stove that is doing all the work at the moment because the furnace is d-e-d dead. And well now we have to wait to see what the owner wants to do. Fix it or replace it, but either way we have to wait for it. Ahh so nice winter hasn’t set in yet.

This is a pond in the back yard. The tiny backyard. I’m going to eventually post picture of this back yard and our old one to show the difference. Oh and Oscar has already jumped into this slimy pit…

Aaanndd the haunted shed. That Jesse’s mom wants to keep forever for some reason and I say get rid of it to make more room for the back yard, but guess who wins? Oh yeah the mom, because well she’s mommy! Ugh. It’s such wasted space!

And here’s my office/closet. See that printer? Yeah it won’t work with my computer. So now I have to set up my old dinosaur computer to use to print things, but it’s alright because I can use it for musics too, instead of infecting my lappy with all sorts of crap.

 

The Energy Drink Made Me Do It!

I’m still kinda mad that I can’t find the stinking spell check button on here. WAITASECOND! There’s one on my google tool bar!! Sweet! Now I can type with ease knowing that if I  make a mistake you won’t see it!
Okay so I think I’m not so mad anymore. I hope to not have outbursts like that again. And I’m hoping you won’t hold it against me.
Mom was in town and when she’s in town that means a trip to CostCo on dad’s card…It doesn’t mean we get whatever we want. But my sister and I did pull the “If she gets it I get it too!!!!” Yes we are both over 30. So we passed by all the samples because we were hungry, and tell me you don’t eat the samples, and I’ll call you a liar. LIAR! Anyway, sorry, so we went by a sampling of an “all natural energy drink powder” and we tried it and the lady talked us/mom into getting some. It’s almost all vitamin B. And it took drinking two the day before yesterday, two yesterday, and one this morning to give me EXTRA energy. I think yesterday I was almost normal levels but I still wanted a nap. The thing about the energy drink is that it doesn’t give my body energy, it makes my brain go a mile a minute. And I think that’s why I snapped the other day. My brain was going and going and going, and with people being silly on the web made me a little crazy.
The good news is that today I feel up to actually doing homework. I just don’t know when I’ll be able to do it, because Jesse is actually working today. I did want to get up and exercise, but I didn’t. I watched a little bit of TV, cleaned the kitchen for the first time in 4 days. No it hasn’t been dirty for that long, I just left it to the two other adults in the family…I didn’t feel like doing it.

So is it my/our responsibility to take a pet that isn’t really “ours” to the pound when we and the pet owner can’t have it anymore? Can I be anymore vague? Okay here…take two…
When Jesse’s mom moved in she had a dog and a cat. We have a big back yard. This was okay. Even though on our lease it says no pets, we’ve broken our agreement on several levels. One by letting someone else live with us without putting them on the lease, and two by having pets. Whatever…like no one else has ever done this. So now that we’re moving to a much smaller house, with a backyard that doesn’t have a complete fence she has decided that we can’t keep the dog. (I’m jumping up and down on the inside.) So we put him up on Craigslist and haven’t had any takers. So now…we have to take him to the humane society… and we I mean, well not her. Because “I can’t handle it.” And I’m saying “it’s YOUR dog!” But Jesse has already said “yes.” So today she gets a hold of the H.S. and finds out when and how much and all and then says “Can you do this today?” I am not going to take MY CHILD and YOUR dog to the H.S. it’s not my problem. I will not break my son’s heart by dropping the dog that he has grown to love off. I do not think it’s my responsibility. I seriously don’t think it is. I can just see me trying to fill out paper work with the dog that does not do well on a leash that weighs at least 80lbs and a 3 year old terror crying because we have to leave his best friend at a pound. I don’t even know what to tell him when someone else does it. Let alone leave it up to ME! So I told her. “Well if Jesse gets home he can do it.” and she says “Well I think it should be done today.” If she wants it done today, maybe she should do it herself right? Am I a bitch? I’m already upset about this whole moving thing, that we’re doing mainly for HER to get HER closer to work, and lower the “rent” for HER. Oh and don’t get me started on keeping that damn ugly ass useless shed around at the new place. Ugh. I don’t like having to compete with another woman in my man’s life. But that is what it has come down to. I’m getting pushed aside by another woman. And little known fact about me. I only like competition when I’m playing basketball. I will step aside…I already feel like I’ve been replaced on many fronts…I’m feeling that rage again…
So really should it be up to US, Jesse and I to have to take her dog to the pound, because she “just can’t take it.”?

 

Update…trying TRYING to see the postives

So our LOVELY rental agent lied to us. She said it was a three+ bedroom house, meaning three bedrooms in the house with an additional “room” off the back of the attached garaged. No, she lied. Its two bedrooms, with an additional room off the back of the garage. So I have lost my office space. We went over and painted yesterday. We thought that there would be power to the place since they have to clean it and all still. No no power. So no entertaining Oscar while we worked. I heard a lot of “I wanna go home!” I don’t want to hear anymore of it. So Jesse went today to finish up since, and I quote “You did such a good job yesterday.” Does that sound like he’s patronizing me? Because I feel patronized…I’m just not sure. Apparently I have fooled him into believing I can’t do anything until yesterday when I painted both bedrooms, hallway, and living room, plus all the baseboards in the house. What did he do? He put protective plastic down on the floor…apparently that is a very hard job. (insert sarcastic emoticon here) So. It’s a much smaller house, but the kitchen is bigger then this one here. There’s a WORKING fireplace, just in case we don’t want to pay for gas heat this winter, which I am all for. (insert shaking fist at Avista Utilities here) Uhm what else. OH! There’s a really nice park just down the block, with a skate park, so I can practice my moooves on my long board. HA HAHA HAHAHA. Oscar really liked it though. There’s a school on the other end of the park so if IF we are still in the neighborhood when Oscar goes to school its right there for him. The thing is…there’s a school here in this neighborhood the same distance away…whatever. I’m nitpicking now. Uhm Oh it will only take Barb 3 minutes to get to work, which is nice, and probably only a half a gallon of gas instead of a quarter of a tank. So until she gets her car up here, which might someday happen, she can take it easy on our gas gage.
I’m not feeling any better about the move. I’m just getting better at pushing the emotions aside to get shit done. I could still burst into tears at any moment. This is what I don’t like about me and depression. I’ll back track a bit. When I was going to counseling, at first, I cried every session. After about a month or so I had a handle on things and wasn’t breaking down at every second, thanks in large part to my prescription, and a small part on my counselor telling me not to take everything to heart and showing me coping skills. Anyway so I had to at one time see another counselor who told me “you’re very happy for being depressed.” Which makes me wonder what people think about depression. I mean if a “professional” thinks that just because I’m not bawling hysterically I’m not depressed what do normal people thing. Just because I can cope and push aside certain things one day doesn’t mean that I’m not depressed. My valleys are really low when I get in them and they take me a bit to get out of them, a lot of self talk and a lot of thinking, but I can get out of them. It does take help from meds most of the time. And then when I get out of them I stay out for a while, until like recently, stressful situations hit me and hit hard. I just wish people wouldn’t think that just because one day I paint a house with no problem or I’m smiling doesn’t mean that I’m not feeling like shit on the inside. I’m pretty damn good at masking my feelings, I’ve done it my whole life. Because if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been depressed since high school. I just never let people know. And it wasn’t difficult for me to hide it until I couldn’t control it due to certain circumstances. Anyway I have learned that depression is tricky, and you don’t get “over it” really ever. It’s something that I have to cope with and control probably my whole life. And hopefully like the last time I was on the medicine I can wean myself off of them again.
Thanks for the helpful comments. I do appreciate them. And yes I have read “Eat, Pray, Love” and I enjoyed it.
And now I’m going to go and find some tea, because I somehow got a cold from somewhere, even though I haven’t left my house in a week or so. (well before yesterday)
OH! Crap, no I have to tell you. PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!!!
So painting…they haven’t gotten in to clean the house yet, and they’re doing that after we paint, but HOLY CRAP. Is it just me or does no one else clean up rentals before they leave them. EVERY place we’ve ever rented has been trashed before we get in, and they have to spend like a week cleaning it. These people didn’t EVER clean. When I see dirt on doors in my house, visible dirt, I clean it off. When there is VISIBLE dirt and food on the walls, I clean them. I’m not a psycho cleaner, I’m just not a pig. The people that lived in the house, must have NEVER EVER cleaned the whole time they were there. It was so gross, and apparently they had a cat or something because there was animal hair all along the baseboards. And I know I KNOW this is probably terrible, but I didn’t clean them before I painted, I just painted them…terrible. Oh and the master bathroom’s door was so gross it was yellowing. Who lives like that?!?! Oh and then I made the mistake of opening up the refrigerator. Holy crap I almost died. So freaking nasty. Ugh, I don’t get it.
Okay now I’m off to herbally medicate myself.