Category Archives: Depression

What if I Have no Passion?

One of my twitter “friends” said this to me today: “Whatever you’re passionate about go for it!” And I’m sitting here thinking to myself

“What am I passionate about?”

Sleeping. At the moment that’s all I want to do, even though caffeine is running wild through my anxiety ridden body all I want to do is take a nap. I didn’t get up until 9 today. When Oscar was finally tired of watching TV in my bed. Then I ate and fell asleep on the couch until noon. I’m a complete mess. I don’t know how to fix myself. I don’t know how to take all the advice from people to help.

I hate working out. I hate it. I can’t stand walking on a treadmill or even in the open air. I walk all the time at work. I jog at work. I hate it. I hate lifting weights. I don’t want to “work out” I don’t know why people keep telling me that it is so wonderful. I don’t feel better after working out I feel worse. I don’t like being like this, like a big baby of “I don’t wanna!” but honestly if I want to be a more in shape person I need to work out. But when I find no joy or anything but pain in doing something why should I do it?

I really don’t want to go to work. I mean REALLY don’t want to go to work.

I don’t know if Jesse is going to go to school or not. I’m trying to figure out how to talk to him without him getting defensive about it. Because I apparently come off as attacking him every time I ask him about it. So today I’ll hopefully get to ask him a little bit about it to see if he even wants to go or if he’s discouraged about the stupid selective service deal. Which he never turned in so he doesn’t even know if it hurts or what. Ugh.

I shouldn’t be sitting at the computer. I should be running around and doing something. Anything but I don’t want to. I just want to sit and do nothing. I’m passionate about doing nothing.

At the moment.

Ask me again in a day or two I will be passionate about eating. Or looking into doing something else. Who the fuck knows. I’m all sorts of messed up.

The worst thing is no one can fix me. I know this. I know that I’m the only one that can fix me. But I feel like I’m incapable of doing this.

I just wish I didn’t hurt all the time. I wish that just one day my hurt would just stop.


Posted by on September 15, 2010 in Depression, family, General Nonsense, Uncategorized


I was Supposed to Check in or Something Right?

Ugh. I hate working.

I’m not in a good mood. Apparently I have seasonal depression but my season is summer time. Even though I love the summer time. I like being hot more than I like being cold. I hate frozen feet. Sweaty feet I can deal with. But yeah I’ve been in a mood. My last post was kind of a give away to that I hope.

Checking in:
No soda all week! And one maybe two, no wait, just one sweet tea. I love the sweet tea.
I don’t recall going to a fast food place but I could be wrong. My brain hasn’t been working properly lately.
I got a hysterical birthday card from my mom. The best was that my nephew signed the envelope. And my niece, signed it twice. It’s one that sings when you open it. Oscar LOVES it. He keeps asking if it’s his birthday…

I asked for Oscar’s birthday off, because, you know, it’s a kind of important day right? Well they or I should say my assistant manager in charge of scheduling denied me. Because his birthday is on Labor Day. So of course I have to work on LABOR day. fuckers. That’s right. I said it. So I have to work from 2pm to 11pm on his birthday. I’m all sorts of broken up about this because well I might not be a mushy mom and we might not have much planned as of yet for his birthday but I would like to spend the day with him. And maybe get him a cake. We’re not going to have cake at noon for him. That’s ridiculous. Don’t tell me it’s not.

It’s my oldest nephew’s birthday today. I don’t know if he’ll call me on it but I didn’t do a whole post about him. I know! But because I love him I will tell him HAPPY STINKING BIRTHDAY CHRISH! He’s so old! Which in turn makes the rest of us so old. I was certain he was only like 7 or something but no he’s 19 now. He’s almost 20…wow. Hey sister, how does that make you feel?! hahah!! Sorry.

So I’m not finding too many positives about life lately and I’ve tried to find them. They’re just not there. Or they are they’re just smaller than the huge ass negatives happening around me.

My only wish is that I could better handle these things. I also wish I had a quicker wit about me. Because I always come up with things to say to people way after they say mean things or yell at me at work.
There’s an old man at work that is a people greeter. He needs to either quit or die or something, I can’t really be sure. But I will tell you that I wish a painful death on him every time I have to work with him. He’s old and slow and he hates women. And he hates women in authority positions even more. So it’s just soo fun being his “boss.” I use the term “boss” very lightly. I don’t boss people around at work. I ask them to do things for me and they do. And I give advice and I help with problems. Anyway that’s besides the point. The point is this old man is a dickhead. And needs to retire. I love my old people. I love the old ladies that work at my store. I have decided that they are actually running the store and we just do their bidding unbeknownst to us. I think they’re like mob bosses or something. Anyway this old man going back to him decided to berate me in front of other associates and customers for not being “at the podium when I got here” so he took it upon himself to go to the door of his choosing which was not the door that I had him scheduled for. No big deal. I don’t mind, but when you yell at me about it, that pisses me off. Where was I going with this? Anyway I was told after he did that what I “should have said” and by then it was too late. He had already gotten his way like the big old man baby he is. And then I told an associate to go “give the grumpy old man a break” (yeah probably not the smartest thing but whatever I was still mad) and he said “do you want me to tell him you said that?” and I said, because I was still mad, “yes, please tell him I called him a grumpy old man” and when that old asshole came back from his break he says “I want to ASK you a question.” me: “what?” him: “Just what type of grumpy old man am I?” and I just rolled my eyes and said “A regular old grumpy old man.” And that was it. I would love to get called into the office for that. I would LOVE IT! Fucking old man needs to quit or die already.

Ugh. Sorry. You see this? This is what happens. This is what happens when my seasonal depression hits. I’m going to go crawl back into my hole now.


Posted by on August 10, 2010 in Angry Ranting, Depression, Work BS


My body image.

So a quick update on the Dad situation. He didn’t call the doctor yesterday. I talked to my brother and he said this “The cancer never went away.” Uhm okay I’m not listening to him but drawing my own conclusion. The way dad’s cancer works is that it went dormant and stopped forming tumors, but apparently it still dissolves bones. This is why dad has to get Zomeda which is a bone strengthener. And apparently his cancer has started to dissolve his ribs and according to my brother it has completely taken one rib out. (I will wait to hear from my mom to take this as fact) So today I’m researching and I will be most likely making a huge involved confused blog about it later.

So I know that I’ve been over this, and over this. But I am not happy with my body. I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy with it. I think I was a little apathetic towards it until after college. And then I started hating it. I remember it was right after college when I saw my first stretch mark. My body didn’t couldn’t wait until I had kids to give me these scars. And I really don’t like when people just blame stretch marks on childbearing. I also hate that people blame weight gain on having kids. I lost 20 lbs during the first five months of my pregnancy and only gained those 20lbs back in the last four months. Then when I went in for a check up two weeks after I had my boy I found that I lost 30lbs. I was ecstatic. And then in the year following I gained 50lbs. The heaviest I’ve been is 250lbs. I’m 5’9″. So 250 to me is different then 250 for someone say a normal 5’5″ but it’s still fat. People didn’t know I was THAT fat, just big, and everyone in my life is too nice to me to say “dude, you need to do something.”
I know in my head and heart that I need to do something about my weight. I just have a hard time finding the motivation in myself in my own heart and head to DO something about it. I know at one point I’m going to hit a breaking point and just say “that is it” and have my own little “Today Show” moment and lose 100lbs but I want to know when. I want to know when I’ll actually hit bottom with this problem. Sometimes and this is probably going to sound sick but I want Jesse to tell me he doesn’t think I’m attractive anymore. I wonder if that might jump start something, because all this self loathing isn’t working.
I also wonder that if I had money to get a personal trainer if that would work for me. I think I do need outside motivation to do this. Because personally I don’t care. I’m not in the public, I avoid it, and when I do go out I dress as nondescript at possible.
I would like to say though, without people saying back to me “nooo that’s not true” that I feel in my own impression that I am not cute as a fat girl. There are many women that are “large women” that I thing are ADORABLE. But myself? No I’m not I have a potato face and and ugly set up to a body. Not that I was a super model when I was skinny, but hey I got ass when I was. I look at old pictures and wonder why I didn’t use it to my advantage sooner. Or why I didn’t keep it. Why did I let myself get like this? What happened? What in my brain broke and made me stop doing anything to keep in shape?
All of this comes down to the fact that my friend is coming to visit in February and we have plans to “relive our 20s” and to do that, I need to be a lot lighter. Because I was 135lbs in my 20s. And now at this moment I am 240lbs. Can you do math, because I can. I know it is totally unrealistic for me to lose 105lbs in 4 months but I do want to do something. For some reason when I try to work out or ‘eat less’ it lasts for three days and then I’m right back to the eating huge portions and eating all day and sitting on my ass.
So tell me life planners out there how do I motivate myself? How does a person who has no money to join a gym or buy a Wii or ABSOLUTELY no will to “jog” to get into shape? Or just get less fat??
Anyone? Anyone?

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Posted by on October 29, 2009 in dad, Depression, fat


Update…trying TRYING to see the postives

So our LOVELY rental agent lied to us. She said it was a three+ bedroom house, meaning three bedrooms in the house with an additional “room” off the back of the attached garaged. No, she lied. Its two bedrooms, with an additional room off the back of the garage. So I have lost my office space. We went over and painted yesterday. We thought that there would be power to the place since they have to clean it and all still. No no power. So no entertaining Oscar while we worked. I heard a lot of “I wanna go home!” I don’t want to hear anymore of it. So Jesse went today to finish up since, and I quote “You did such a good job yesterday.” Does that sound like he’s patronizing me? Because I feel patronized…I’m just not sure. Apparently I have fooled him into believing I can’t do anything until yesterday when I painted both bedrooms, hallway, and living room, plus all the baseboards in the house. What did he do? He put protective plastic down on the floor…apparently that is a very hard job. (insert sarcastic emoticon here) So. It’s a much smaller house, but the kitchen is bigger then this one here. There’s a WORKING fireplace, just in case we don’t want to pay for gas heat this winter, which I am all for. (insert shaking fist at Avista Utilities here) Uhm what else. OH! There’s a really nice park just down the block, with a skate park, so I can practice my moooves on my long board. HA HAHA HAHAHA. Oscar really liked it though. There’s a school on the other end of the park so if IF we are still in the neighborhood when Oscar goes to school its right there for him. The thing is…there’s a school here in this neighborhood the same distance away…whatever. I’m nitpicking now. Uhm Oh it will only take Barb 3 minutes to get to work, which is nice, and probably only a half a gallon of gas instead of a quarter of a tank. So until she gets her car up here, which might someday happen, she can take it easy on our gas gage.
I’m not feeling any better about the move. I’m just getting better at pushing the emotions aside to get shit done. I could still burst into tears at any moment. This is what I don’t like about me and depression. I’ll back track a bit. When I was going to counseling, at first, I cried every session. After about a month or so I had a handle on things and wasn’t breaking down at every second, thanks in large part to my prescription, and a small part on my counselor telling me not to take everything to heart and showing me coping skills. Anyway so I had to at one time see another counselor who told me “you’re very happy for being depressed.” Which makes me wonder what people think about depression. I mean if a “professional” thinks that just because I’m not bawling hysterically I’m not depressed what do normal people thing. Just because I can cope and push aside certain things one day doesn’t mean that I’m not depressed. My valleys are really low when I get in them and they take me a bit to get out of them, a lot of self talk and a lot of thinking, but I can get out of them. It does take help from meds most of the time. And then when I get out of them I stay out for a while, until like recently, stressful situations hit me and hit hard. I just wish people wouldn’t think that just because one day I paint a house with no problem or I’m smiling doesn’t mean that I’m not feeling like shit on the inside. I’m pretty damn good at masking my feelings, I’ve done it my whole life. Because if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been depressed since high school. I just never let people know. And it wasn’t difficult for me to hide it until I couldn’t control it due to certain circumstances. Anyway I have learned that depression is tricky, and you don’t get “over it” really ever. It’s something that I have to cope with and control probably my whole life. And hopefully like the last time I was on the medicine I can wean myself off of them again.
Thanks for the helpful comments. I do appreciate them. And yes I have read “Eat, Pray, Love” and I enjoyed it.
And now I’m going to go and find some tea, because I somehow got a cold from somewhere, even though I haven’t left my house in a week or so. (well before yesterday)
OH! Crap, no I have to tell you. PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!!!
So painting…they haven’t gotten in to clean the house yet, and they’re doing that after we paint, but HOLY CRAP. Is it just me or does no one else clean up rentals before they leave them. EVERY place we’ve ever rented has been trashed before we get in, and they have to spend like a week cleaning it. These people didn’t EVER clean. When I see dirt on doors in my house, visible dirt, I clean it off. When there is VISIBLE dirt and food on the walls, I clean them. I’m not a psycho cleaner, I’m just not a pig. The people that lived in the house, must have NEVER EVER cleaned the whole time they were there. It was so gross, and apparently they had a cat or something because there was animal hair all along the baseboards. And I know I KNOW this is probably terrible, but I didn’t clean them before I painted, I just painted them…terrible. Oh and the master bathroom’s door was so gross it was yellowing. Who lives like that?!?! Oh and then I made the mistake of opening up the refrigerator. Holy crap I almost died. So freaking nasty. Ugh, I don’t get it.
Okay now I’m off to herbally medicate myself.

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Posted by on October 4, 2009 in Depression, moving, sick


The Bitchiness Hides the Sadness

We moved to Spokane about 5 years ago. We moved from place to place every year, or every six months depending. Our first place here was in a one bedroom apartment across the street from the biggest hospital in the area. It was a quaint little apartment and I liked it well enough. I didn’t like that my car was broken into every other week. After I think a year of living there, or maybe less I don’t remember we decided to save on rent and move in with some “friends.” Well they were co-workers really. This lasted a year. In that time I got pregnant and we realized that we could not live with these people. We also lived in a neighborhood called “felony flats” and decided that we didn’t like that very much anymore. Plus we were a little scared for our safety considering that two houses next to ours had recently burned down. I always though ours would be next. So after a short stay with my aunt and uncle that proved to be very enlightening, but helpful after my pregnancy we found ourselves renting at a low income apartment complex. It was nice enough, the neighbors didn’t bug us, it was do-able. Okay it was small…two bedrooms wasn’t enough space. So when the apartment next to us opened up we asked if we could just jump over to that one. So we upgraded to a three bedroom “town-house” which was all good. Rent was a little steep even for “rent controlled” complex, but again do-able. Then my sister decided to move to Spokane. And wouldn’t it be great and help us all out if we all moved in together………..we didn’t learn our lesson the first time. BUT! With this move we had found it. The good house, big back yard, school a block away, WONDERFUL neighbors! I am in love with this place. I don’t want to ever leave it. I want to buy this house warts and all and grow old in it. After 5 long years we found a place we belong. I haven’t made many new friends since college. I just don’t like to. I don’t make friends easily and I seem to lose contact quickly and not care much. Unless they have had a certain impact on me will I want to keep them around. I didn’t really get along with our across the street neighbor until after my sister moved out. I don’t know why, but that’s how it went. And now we’re good friends, she’s good to talk to, she knows where I’m coming from with my crazy outbursts because she’s a stay at home mom too. She’s a little more nuts then I because she has 3 boys, not just one. But I like her, and her husband and Jesse get a long really well. Jesse doesn’t have friends here, and I like that he has a buddy that he can hang out with on occasion.
Since my sister moved out we haven’t been able to afford the rent. We’ve been drowning and slowly dying in this house and this wonderful neighborhood. Jesse’s mom moved in. And although she has a job now, she and Jesse have it in their heads that “we” cannot afford the rent. And it’s not in my place to say otherwise because I do not bring in any income…I figured out that we could afford 650 if Barb would pay 400, but alas, no I have been shot down. So next week we start packing again to move. I want to stamp my foot and yell and scream and cry and say “NO I WILL NOT GO!” But instead I’ll cry silently, and try not to be such a huge bitch to everyone around me. I will get back on my antidepressants, with the help of a doctor friend, since I don’t have my insurance anymore and I will shut up and go along with it. And even though I feel like I’ve been pushed aside I will just go along because that’s what I do. I go along with whatever anyone else tells me to. I am not a strong proud woman. I am a coward.
I can’t tell Jesse that all of a sudden I hate his mom, and that she annoys the crap out of me. I can’t because I don’t know if it’s true of if it’s my broken brain telling me I hate her. Because a month ago I was ready to keep her and get rid of Jesse and now…Now I can’t stand her voice. I can’t stand her chip on her shoulder about EVERYTHING. I can’t stand that I feel like she’s taking my place and the only thing that I have left to do here is have sex with Jesse and take care of Oscar just a little while during the day. I can’t tell him that I want to leave. I want to go away and not come back and if he would say to me “well you can’t take Oscar” I would say “I don’t care.” How terrible and sick is my brain to not care?! I just want to be by myself.
In the 6 years that we’ve been together we have lived on our own for only 2. And in those four years all I ever heard was “I can’t wait to be on our own.” And now?! He has yet to say those words. No…with his mom its “You can stay as long as you want.” And now it’s me that is saying “why can’t we be on our own?!” “Why can’t it just be us?” Are we that bad off that we can’t be around each other anymore? On our own?
I don’t even know where to start, so don’t tell me that I need to talk to him. I’ve heard it. I know it. I just don’t know where to start and I don’t know how to approach him with out being a total and complete bitch to him. That’s what I really want to do, I want to make him hate me. I don’t think I’m meant to be around people for extended periods of time. Which really REALLY worries me once we move into the new place. Its smaller. And Jesse’s mom is going to have a new shift at work that enables her to be home ALL DAY LONG. I LOVE my days with just me and Oscar. It messes with me every time Jesse has a day off.
So today when we found out that we could move into the new house, which will lower the rent $200 for us, I was not excited. I was not happy. And when Jesse’s mom said to me “Isn’t it great that we get to go see it! Isn’t it exciting.” All I could do was grit my teeth and say “yeah great!” Its not great. I’m not excited. I’m pissed. And I’m going to be pissed for a while.
So there.

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Posted by on October 2, 2009 in Depression


Changing Names

On facebook all the married people have a choice to put their maiden names on along with their married names so people who knew them “before” can find them easier. Leslie and I were discussing this and I felt left out, because I’m not married. I should be, but I don’t want to, I have a blog about this some where around here, find it. Anyway so today I’m confusing the crap out of people and probably annoying some by putting my name on face book as my first name then my last name…twice. ITS HILARIOUS. But only to myself and Leslie, because we’re freaking dorks.
I have a problem with the whole taking his last name when we finally do get married because I’m insanely attached to my last name. Since 6th grade I was only called by my last name so it essentially was my first name. So now that I’m 30 I’ve had this last name and I really REALLY like it. I don’t really care for Jesse’s last name, it just doesn’t suit me, so I don’t even think I would like to hyphenate it. Plus I don’t really like when people hyphenate their last names, it just seems pretentious. Maybe not as bad as not even taking your husbands last name, but why do I have to? Do I? I mean does it really hurt me in the long run just to keep my last name? Come on how much longer would I have? Would it matter? I don’t see us getting married in the next 5 years, so I’d be over 35 by then, and then how long would I last past then? Whats the point in changing it? Unless we win the lottery and can fly all, and I mean ALL of our family and friends to a huge wedding in Vegas, I don’t think we’ll be getting married soon. It is after all MY day right? And what I want is a big fancy to do at the Luxor hotel complete with an Egyptian themed wedding, down to the dress, which would mean I need to lose 100lbs, (I’m not even kidding). Plus I want all my friends from school to be there, and I want ALL my family to be there…which would cost everyone a pretty penny. Then there would be the honeymoon where we would go to Africa. Yes this is the dream. I can’t see myself having a wedding at this point anyway. We’re dirt poor, and I’m fat. I will not have my wedding pictures with me in them, looking the way I do. No offence to other women who have gotten married when they’re heavy but I am not a cute fat girl. I look horrid fat. Other women look wonderful “overweight” I am not one of them. I HATE looking at pictures of me, I hate looking in the mirror, not that I liked it much before when I wasn’t fat, but its worse now. Yet I have no motivation to change my appearance. Sure I put in a couple attempts here and there, but I have never made any bold moves to change my weight.
Ugh when did I de-rail??
This was supposed to be light and airy about changing my stinking screen name on facebook. And look where it went. I need to get back in to see a counselor, seriously. I’m losing it.
I watched Oprah the other day because my favorite Mariah Carey was on, and I cried, scratch that, I bawled. Yeah, and then there’s this commercial for a cell phone on lately that had a little girl looking for her dog, and a college kid helps by sending the picture via phone to everyone he knows and low and behold! He finds the dog and as soon as the girl sees the dog, I swear to God I tear up instantly. Crazyness.

Okay so I said in my last post that I would blog about my nephew…and I will, I know you’re waiting with bated breath…keep holding!

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Posted by on September 20, 2009 in Crazy Talk, Depression, Facebook


Herbal Uppers

First I have to say because you don’t know this, but my keyboard is super loud. And I hate it, but I had to put the laptop up on a shelf to get it eye level because it was killing my neck to look down at it all the time, so I have a usb keyboard that I’m using and I HATE IT! The keys stick, and its, again, loud. Whew…okay got that out of the way.
I’m feeling super PMSy with out the show, I guess that’s the P in the MS…correct? Yes! Okay so I really wanted to throw the phone today even though I knew KNEW Leslie was joking when she was talking to me. All my emotions are all out of whack, I keep crying at commercials. So I talked to my oldest sister and I was telling her about not being able to concentrate and feeling like my depression was coming back with a vengeance and no I can not go to a doctor because I no longer have health care thank you very much…I can’t stand this keyboard…I don’t care about neck pain at the moment….ahhhh that’s better, I rearranged and go the lappy down.
Anyway! Back to the lecture at hand. So I’m talking to my sister and she tells me that she got some herbal pills from her chiropractor to help her ween off of her anti-depressants, but she didn’t do it so she has these pills and says “hey I’ll send them up to see if they work for you!” I got them this afternoon, and we’ll see how they help. I have no motivation. none. Don’t want to do it. Every time I get on the computer all I do is get sucked into Facebook. You know, I scoffed when I heard a friend deleted her FB account because she was spending “too much time” This was me: “scoff! too much time?! just quit going on it so much, you don’t have to delete it completely” I believe now that you do. I wish I had her email addy so I could say “I am with you sister!” I’m debating on whether or not to do just that, but its too hard to even think about, my palms sweat, just thinking about it.

Oscar’s third birthday was a success. He had a ton of fun, and mostly because there were lots of people here for him to play with. The boys across the street came over (3 boys), My other sister and her two came and then our neighbor girl game over. Oscar had a blast. And I looked at him early in the day and was actually amazed, and here’s where my emotions come out, and I was just, just…I don’t know blown away that I had a baby three years ago, and here he is…talking to me, and bossing me about stuff, and its almost creepy if I over think it. Anyway sorry for the side track. My aunt and uncles came which was nice, I figured they would try and find a way out of it but it was Sunday and they usually do Sunday dinner, so I got to do that for them. Even though all I really did was pasta salad.

I have a few things that I can do.
1. Cook pork chops that you will die for
2. Pasta salad that my family seems to love
3. Make invites, but my limit is apparently 5

So anyway again sidetracked…do you see this? I have the attention span of a three year old. Crap where was I? Oh the birthday party…after it was all done, I got a text from my friend who told me “I just puked in my hand at the bar” and at that moment, I was jealous. That’s right, not “happy about where I am in life.” but “jealous” How weird am I? I should be content with my life! I have what a woman wants right? A man who’s always home and works his butt of to provide for us. A wonderfully bright little boy who everyone falls in love with. I should be happy right? I shouldn’t want to be out drinking and puking in my hand! But I do! I DO! What is wrong with me?! The thing is that if I were single at this moment in my life I would stand no chance of even getting laid. I’m 100lbs over weight, and that’s no bullshit, and lets face it, guys really have high standards now, especially now that I’m 30. I’m no longer 22, which pains me to say. I know I should be looking forward instead of back, but forward to what? To my illustrious career as a Medical Transcriptionist? Face it, its not my dream job. Its going to put money in my pocket and let me stay at home where I want to be, instead of in an office with a bunch of bitchy backstabbing douches. Yeah I said it. But what is my dream job?! A while back all I could think about is being a basketball coach? Where did that go?

This is what I don’t like about depression, and this is why I wish I could always go to a counselor so I could actually talk this out with someone. Someone neutral. Someone who can give me tools to get over this, and make me see that I am a grown up now.

So now that I’m on the computer like ohhh anywhere from 8 to 12 hours out of the day, I shit you negative on that one, my back is not happy. My neck is not happy, I am not happy. And have I done anything pro-active about this? No no I haven’t because I have no will to do anything like exercise. Oh I did…for three days. That’s apparently my limit on exercise, which is weird because back in the day I didn’t mind going to strength training class every day and basketball practice. Man how times change a person.

So if I put goals on this here blog is anyone going to hold me to them? Anyone besides myself because you know I can’t be held accountable for myself. I need a bigger readership for this endeavor I believe.

1. Lose weight like STAT…okay that’s ridiculous.
Restart (I can’t find the strike through…to make it all fancy like I’m really writing this out)

1. Get mobile, like dance around or something, for 10 minutes.
3. Complete some assignments for the LOVE OF GOD!
4. Stop drinking soda.
5. Eat less. (I eat man sized portions, I’m trying to keep up with Jesse who burns 5000 calories a day)

So tomorrow I will not go on Facebook until my class work is done. Got that? Hold me to it? OK!

OH! Crap, its almost 11pm, and I need to talk about my classes. Save it for tomorrow. AFTER GETTING DONE WITH MY ASSIGNMENTS. (I’m behind schedule…my new schedule)

Peace out

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Posted by on September 8, 2009 in Depression, Facebook