Category Archives: cancer

Pictures To Go Along With The Story

So we had a wonderful half a week in Portland. It was good to see my dad. I should have gotten some pictures of him, but that probably wouldn’t be very nice to photograph a sick man. At least he wouldn’t be able to chase after me! I did however get some excellent shots of his view from the fourteenth floor.

Isn’t that beautiful?! I want to just take that view with me everywhere. I wish I would have been there for the Fourth of July. Dad said a nurse came in and made him get up to watch and he saw the whole city light up with fireworks all the way around.
So there is a Sky Tram that goes from the hospital down to a building for doctors.

This is on our way back up. I couldn’t get any pictures on our way down because Oscar had a death grip on me and was sweating because he was so scared. I think that a fear of hights is maybe inhereted because my hands were sweating the whole time too. I felt like I was flying though. I have a fear of heights but apparently it’s not crippling because I am able to go on rides like this one with out having panic attacks. The good thing though if I did have a panic attack I was going right back to a hospital. Oscar loved it right after we got off of the tram. He wanted to go right back up again.

Someone had an unfortunate accident.

Here’s the station up at the top. The nice thing was that since we were visiting a cancer ridden dad we got to ride the tram for free. Oscar really liked his tickets, and held on to them very tightly.

While visiting dad was nice, it also gave me a chance to visit my friend Leslie, who I only get to see once a year or so, like most of my friends.We met her family on the beach at Pacific City. Thanks to GPS on my phone the trip was fairly uneventful. Except for one “make a legal uturn as soon as possible.”

The Oregon Coast is always cloudy isn’t it? Or is it just when I go?

Here’s Oscar, Aiden, Leslie’s Husband Bryan and Laila. Oscar is totally amused at the moment.

Leslie and I tried our hands at cloud bursting and it worked, but it took almost until we had to leave for the sun to come out. My shins got burnt. Laila loves me. She drug me into the waves, and then out of the waves. I love her, because she made me run. Not many people can do that. We actually got to park on the beach which was a first for me. Thankfully Bryan brought my car down for me but then it was up to me to get it back up. Scary stuff!

He’s totally playing dead. I swear!

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Posted by on July 10, 2010 in cancer, dad, family, Oscar


Hospitals are too quiet

Dad is sleeping. I just heard Oscar out in the hallway. It is too quiet in here. He’s too excited about life. Oscar not my dad. Typical three year old never concerned about all the cancerous men and women on the floor. He just wants to WASH HIS HANDS!!!

When you enter the floor you have to call in and then someone on the other end opens the doors for you. Then you go through another set of doors and there’s two sinks and you wash your hands. Dad’s room is just opposite of this little station so I can hear Oscar yelling at Jesse “ARE YOU ALL DONE!?” Now he’s in here doing his best stage whisper. He’s such a good boy. Just outside the door, his voice returns to normal.

I am very germ free at the moment. All you do is wash your hands and sanitize your hands. And don’t for the love of GOD sneeze or cough. Oscar sneezed…twice the first day we visited. I told him he was killing his Poppa. He took me very serious. Today he had to start coughing because he choked on his own spit. He’s got plans to get at dad’s money or something. I don’t know why he wants to kill him so bad.

Dad, to me, is doing very well considering what is going on. He does a lot of sleeping and then sits up and talks with me and jokes with the nurses and they walk out not knowing what he was talking about because apparently they weren’t taught sarcasm in Nursing School. The one doctor on Dad’s “team” that I keep seeing is awesome. She’s very up beat and fast-moving and looks at everyone in the room when she’s talking. Not just dad. She includes everyone when she is telling us what is going on. I haven’t seen any other doctors so I can’t compare but I find that quality very comforting.

Jesse’s job in Astoria only lasted two days. We thought it would be three. He’ll be back soon to do the rest of the “phases” So basically his working for two days just paid for the trip. Which I think was worth it. It’s good to see dad. I was really worried given our money situation and what nots that I wouldn’t have been able to see him. Oh I will be adding pictures as soon as I get home. Or doing a whole post with pictures when i can down load them off my phone. I got to go to Pacific City yesterday to meet my friend Leslie and her family for some fun on the always sunny Oregon Coast. (That was sarcasm) It was not sunny, not until about an hour before we left. I still managed to get sunburnt. We had a good day though. It was nice to see her. Even if only for a little while.

I also got to spend an evening out with another friend from GU and have some beers and have a wonderful time just talking. Life problems were sovled! haha! Kidding. But we did have a very good conversation. It makes me miss my friends so much, and makes me wish we were all back together again.

We’re now waiting for my sister and brother to get into town tonight. And then we will head back to Spokane tomorrow. Then it’s back to work for me. BOOO. I really like not working. I’m such a lazy ass.

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Posted by on July 9, 2010 in cancer, dad, Uncategorized


According to Astrazenica I am indeed Bipolar.

Okay maybe they need to have better then yes or no questions. But if I had a doctor I would definitely talk to him about being maybe just a little bipolar. And discuss why I have chest pains, that I consider to be indigestion. I’m sticking with that. But feel free to kick my ass if I die in the middle of the night. I also have wicked heart burn going on right now but that’s because I can’t stop eating enchiladas. Is anyone rolling their eyes at me right about now? Because I am.

I’ve decided why I’m writing this blog. And it might just become more personal. I’m writing to remember things. The weird thing is that I kept a journal all through high school and most of college and the things that I have in that journal are pointless things that I didn’t need to remember. But I remember important events that happened in my life.

Like the first boy to break my heart into thousands of pieces and made me realize that I didn’t need to throw myself into non committed relationships so easy. I remember that, I didn’t write it down anywhere. I remember hiding under my desk in my dorm room bawling about it. I didn’t write that in my journal. I did write how I cried. I don’t remember what he looked like though. I don’t remember what most of the boys I was with look like. Huh. Yeah out of all the boys that I was “with” I remember what maybe two of them looked like. Is that blockage? Or a bad memory? The guy that I lost my big V to? No idea what he looked like. I remember that he was a little shorter than me. But I can’t remember his face. Hell I didn’t even know his last name.

So if I start writing more about the weird things that Oscar says or does just skip over it. Because I kind of want to remember that last night I was on the phone with my brother Baba and I told him that Oscar is now saying “What-EVER” to me like a 13 year old girl. And right after that Oscar started saying “Blah blah blah” and flapping his hands in that weird hand talking motion. Apparently I really do have a 13 year old girl. Maybe what I’ll do is set up a page just with weird things that Oscar does. So that I don’t have to torture everyone.

Things I found out by reading other blogs:
Sunscreen is bad and doesn’t work at all. Your Mama
I will probably not watch Sex in the City 2 with out a lot of self loathing. BurkasNBirkins
Everyone has a reason to blog, except me. Wait I do now! Blogging for Blogging
You need to have your own Red Dress. I’m still looking for mine. The Traveling Red Dress

Things that are bugging me on Twitter:
When people talk shit about someone like they’re talking to them but they aren’t really because their tweeting about it.

Oh and a last thing. I think I will be blogging about my dad again soon. Mom says they’re getting ready to do his second T-Cell transplant next month some time. You know what a T-cell transplant entails? Well it’s when they take a huge dose of chemo and kill off your immune system and all the bad cancer cells then wait a bit then put your t-cells back into your system and cross their fingers. Basically. Dad told mom that she could stay at home since he’s been through it before. Guess what my mom said? Well now, after a couple of months of him being on steroids I wonder if she’s thinking about staying home. I would. hahaha! Sorry mom!


Posted by on May 27, 2010 in blogging, cancer, dad, twitter


Getting back to it

Well after over a month of not working on my school stuff I’m back to it. I started back up Friday and got done with two transcriptions. I cheated on one but the other one I did myself. It was short and simple. I’m working up to the hard ones. I’m going to do the assignment today, I really have to get going on this because I really need a job. This being poor is not working for us anymore.
We’re settling in and Oscar has finally stopped saying “I wanna go home” all the time, which is nice. I’m liking the kitchen a lot more then our old one. There’s WAY more room. I miss my office, but this is alright because I can have Oscar in here to watch TV while I play work on the computer.
I really don’t have much to say today. My brain is feeling clogged up and not willing to spit anything out.
So I’ll leave you with that.
And a quick update on my dad.
He had to get a bone marrow biopsy and they’ll have the results of that on Wednesday. His oncologist, according to my mom, wasn’t all that worried about “the mass” and his cracked ribs but did put him back on the bone strengthener. So my mom is relieved. I’m waiting till Wednesday to be relieved.

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Posted by on October 26, 2009 in cancer, Class, moving


My Dad.

Uhm this is hard for me because the first thing I want to do is cry. And the second thing I want to do is tell myself “quit crying.”
About 7 years ago, I think, if my math is correct. My dad was diagnosed with a type of cancer called Multiple Meyloma. It’s a bone/blood cancer that at the time should have gave him only six months. But my mom told the doctor not to tell her things like that because she had counted on 60 years at least with the man. (God only knows why!) So it started out as a tumor on his spine the probably would have been found earlier had he not lived in such a shit hole with such terrible doctors. But I’m being mean. He went through radiation and chemo and then he had surgery to remove a vertebrae. He has titanium rods in his back now, which he says gets super cold along with the weather.
When my dad got the first diagnosis I had just moved home from college after pretty much getting fired from a call center job that I hated. He had just lost his office manager so it was “my turn” to help him with his business. I remember when he had his “fanny pack” of chemo on his hip at work, and no one knew he was going through it because he never showed any signs of being sick or tired. Well to anyone but us. We knew. I knew he was tired, I knew he was sick. But I also knew in my heart that he was going to be just fine. Because the man is a bastard. He’s just a strong bastard of a man and to ornery to die. After going through the radiation and chemo and surgery the doctors said he had a choice. He could go through chemo again every so often, or do a T-cell transplant and give him a greater chance of the cancer not EVER coming back. So he took option B, because he hated the chemo. He spent a month in the hospital and a couple more months recovering at home. It was weird to see my dad without hair. My whole life I never saw my dad with out hair and it was definitely different. He wouldn’t take off his hat in public, not even for the anthem…(I know right?!)
He got better, and the mass was gone and all he had to do was go monthly to get a bone strengthener.
Well today I got news from my mom that they have found a similar mass on his ribs. So it looks like it’s back for a second round. This is coming after we found out about a month or so ago that his sister’s cancer had also come back, her’s this time in her lymph nodes. This happened last time but in reverse. Dad got it first then his sister. Oh then his other crazy sister decided that “she had cancer too” but it was never really talked about, I always thought she was faking…(my opinion)
My dad has an appointment on Friday to see his oncologist and to get a better x-ray to make sure exactly what is going on with his ribs. So after that we will know more what is going on. The thing is, it’s kinda thrown everyone in the family for a loop. I called my sister after talking to mom and I could tell she was crying, and I said “so it’s okay for me to cry?” Then the next day my oldest sister called to see how I was doing, and we both just sat on the phone wondering how to take the whole thing. Dad is still not ready to talk about it. Of course. I know in my heart and from what I’ve read that it is not necessarily a death sentence if the cancer has come back. It just means more radiation and more chemo, which will be harder for him, because more is always bad of those two things.
I know with so many people touched with a cancer story this one is typical. It is one in a million or more, but it is our story. And it’s hard on my mom. She’s definitely not the same this time around as she was the last time. I think it has partly to do with the fact that she just got back from seeing her sister go through a surgery to remove lumps from her breast. And of course my dad’s sister’s cancer coming back.
My first instinct is to joke around with my dad and just try to ease everything a little. The first thing I told my mom after she told me the news was “Is he trying to show his sister up or something? Just because she has her cancer back doesn’t mean he has to too!” And I know that would make my dad laugh. I would get a chuckle out of him. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him in a couple of months or so, well a good talk anyway. I usually talk to him a couple of times a month, I don’t know what happened this last month or two. I hope that as a family we get through this again. I know that my mom is a strong woman, but she’s going to need a lot of support, I just hope we are up to the challenge.
Give a little prayer, if that’s what you do, or just keep my dad and my mom in your thoughts tomorrow. I know some of you don’t know them personally, but trust me, they’re good people!
I know that most of my posts are very disjointed, but this might be the worst! Please forgive me!

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Posted by on October 22, 2009 in cancer, family