Okay truth be told, I’m scared shitless right now. When I was 24 I got pregnant the first time, and three months later I wasnt, not because I didnt want it but because my body didnt want it…and long story short it was a blessing in disguse, because if i did have that baby i would still be in crappy ass burns working at the gas station. so now this second time around I’m scared. I’m scared because again I told everyone and EVERYONE is excited about this happening and i dont want to loose another one. like my mom says my heart cant handle it. i’m not just scared of loosing it but scared of having a baby too. I mean jesse and i as parents?! holy crap I know that there are some pretty messed up families out there but when the two of us start talking parenting i get a little nervous. I dont even like to feed my cats very often. what am I going to do with a kid! let alone the diapers and the feeding. god i should have been on birth control…like v said i need to be put in a headlock… so yeah now i’m just freakin out because i told everyone and then i’m gonna have to untell everyone and go through all of the same things all over again when i should have just kept my b/c going. i’m an idiot, i really am. The first time around I was even worse off because Jesse and I had just started dating, we were four months into it and i didnt even think about wanting to live with him let alone have a kid with him! and when i found out and told him he said “well i figured i would be with you forever so this is okay.” and that seemed to make everything okay. and then i was alright and excited about being pregnant. but now i’m just really scared, everyone else is excited and i’m worried, that i’m going to let everyone down. so i have the doctors appointment not this friday but next friday and hopefully i keep getting sick so i know i’m still pregnant.
okay for reals this time. no more baby blogs! haha!! you might get some “i hate being sick” blogs but that’s it. i swear! okay I don’t swear but i’ll try.