Since I Hate Confontations.

11 Jan

Confrontations and I do not go well. So when someone says on Facebook

“OK so before i post this statues i just want to ask my family to be as understanding as possible…”(I’ve moved back in with a douche bag asshole who mentally abuses me and made me at one point in time cry out for help because I wanted to kill myself…)(my words) “Please call me if you have anything to say and i will gladly talk to you. i don’t mind hearing your opinions just remember that they are your opinions, not mine.”

I cannot pick up the phone. When she first went back to him, I picked up my laptop and do what I think I do best. Write a letter. And I never got a response. I kind of expected that. But no response. And then I know that I’m not her “immediate family” but I think the phone lines go both ways and to post on FACEBOOK a DISCLAIMER before you post something… Alarm Bells are ringing Willie…I cannot control what I say out loud. I do my best and I bite my toung but this is my place to just say what I want to say. Right here right now.

You are a stupid fucking idiot. I do not, cannot support this decision. It is a stupid decision that will lead to years of heart ache and, quite possibly because this person recently bought a handgun for no REAL REASON…might just maybe lead to an accident. Who’s to say three more months down the road this whole thing that you had your mom over there helping you and your brother won’t happen again? And I’m sure HE is telling you that it was all THEIR idea and you are just weak minded. I saw his posts on your page. I’m not an idiot. I can freaking read. I can see the condensetion DRIPPING with his comments to YOU and your friend…who does nothing but loves you like you were her sister. Comments like this: ”

“I’ve never treated _____ as a burden, and never asked for much in return. I love ____ her bad feelings came from not knowing how to communicate, fear of conflict, and assuming what i would say and think. I’m not perfect and i did the best i could for her. just so everyone knows I truly love and respect her.”

Is it just me? Is it just me or did he just pin the whole thing on her??

I have to get this all out tonight. I’m going to get it all out and let it go. I can’t say anything nice to her about this situation so I’m keeping my mouth shut after this. I’m afraid I might have to get rid of my facebook page though just to keep myself in check. Too much drama that I get into on there. Sure it’s nice to reconnect but I think there are still a couple people out there who live without facebook so I think I can too.

I’m at a loss. Because I think I’ve lost all feelings in regards to this person. We didn’t have a strong bond to begin with because the family is so disconnected. But I do love her because it’s one of those “family” things where I have to love her. I don’t love her decisions. I can’t probably ever like her “other.”

What am I supposed to do? Text her every day and say “I love you” when deep down inside it makes me sick to think about it? That I can’t look at her FB page because I can’t look at his picture because I get a vitriol reaction from it?

I have to get over this. I have to move beyond it because I’m not doing her any good being angry about it. I’m not doing me any good by getting sick over it. And maybe just maybe she’s telling the truth and everything is sunshine and sparkles all the time. And they will get married and have miracle babies and life will be perfect for her.

But maybe it won’t. And that right there? That’s my biggest problem….

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Posted by on January 11, 2011 in Uncategorized


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