I’m trying to write a heartfelt post of gratitude to my friends who come here and read my drivel and then try and help me through this nonsense.
No I have not gone to the doctor. Get this. When you don’t have insurance, it’s SUPER hard to get an appointment when you need one. I have to “try and call back” in a couple of days to get an appointment in October. I’m chalking this up to anxiety. I’m not a big talker when it comes to depression and anxiety, I tried to be at one point in time on here but I hate being all “I’m sad” and then the next day saying “I’m happy!” Because that’s what it was like…all the time. And still is. But now I just have chest pains, and sweaty hands, and it’s hard to breath. Especially when something stressful or tense happens. But I don’t like to talk about it all the time because when I do, stuff like what happened on Saturday happens. People get all worried about me. I don’t like that. I don’t like people being worried about me when I think nothing is wrong with me. I mean I don’t think that there’s nothing wrong with me. I know there’s something wrong with me, I just can’t do anything about it medically. I could do something about it meditation wise. Or self help wise. But really, that’s just not my style. Actually I don’t have a style. I would love to go and get help with a counselor again. But again. I don’t have the necessary means for that sort of deal.
So what I think I will do is try again in a couple of days to get an appointment for “new patient” care at the Community Health Association and maybe by the time I get the appointment I’ll have my crappy health care from work. After a year of working there I get some benifits. Oh who says WalMart is terrible?! Oh wait. That means that in a couple of months I will have been an employee of the most hated place on the planet for a year.
Maybe that’s why all this is coming on so strong.
We might have found a winner. My hands just got super sweaty and now it’s hard to breath again…