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Conflicted

20 Jul

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I’m a little torn on why I do all this writing. Some days I wish that hundreds of people would find my blog and read it and soak in its glory and wonder. And then other days I’m just glad that my family and friends read it. But most days I’m happy that I have found a couple of other people outside my small circle that read and quite possibly enjoy what they read. I don’t know what my “style” of blog is beyond just random nonsense. But I would love to actually pin-point a style. And then stick with it. That’s the big thing. I guess I am sticking to the “randomness” of it all too. So that’s good right?
I wish that I had a better memory of conversations and write them out like some blogs I read. I wish that I had a better grasp of imagery to convey a better picture like other blogs that I read. And then I read some and say “Do I sound like that?” because I don’t like those blogs and I don’t want to sound anything like them. Like a person desperate to get in with the “cool” kids. So desperate that they have to sound like the people they idolize. I wish that I could write like the bloggers that I idolize. And that list keeps getting bigger by the way. I have found my way to some new ones that I love and makes me wish that I majored in English instead of Public Relations…I doubt I would have passed those classes though. Considering my D in English 101. Man that woman hated commas. And I figured that out WAY too late in the semester to get my grade back.

I read a blog out loud to Jesse at dinner. It was funny, it’s my new favorite blog. The author was interviewing her 8-year-old daughter. Jesse’s response is “hey do you want me to remember the conversations I have with the guys at the shop? You can write those down and blog it, they get pretty sick though” Yeah that’s what direction I want to take. Hey everyone! It’s a construction worker’s day!! Lots of talk about balls and big tittied women! I want to write the conversations that I have with Leslie because she’s hilarious. But apparently only to the two of us.

I want to write about a lot of things. The disdain I have inside boiling right under the surface. The “snark” just begging to come out. But about what? About co-workers? Meh. Most of the people I work with are alright, and the others aren’t worth it. The customers that I have to deal with? Again not really worth it. Other bloggers? My audience would have no idea what I was talking about. The twitter wars that I watch like a wallflower? Again, there would be no connection. So do I reach out to get a bigger audience to talk about these things? Or do I just keep the status quo?

At this point in time there’s really  nothing more that I can blog about. I don’t have a lot of drama going on. I can’t snark on people because I don’t like to hurt feelings. I can’t honestly blog about a big thing that is going on because of certain people and again I don’t want to hurt feelings…

But I do have something in the works. And I hope that it will come out like I want it to. And I do want an audience to read it. And if it’s just my small audience I will be okay with it. Because maybe those people who read it will pass it along to people who need to hear this story. I know I’m being totally vague at the moment but like I said it’s in the works. It might take a bit to get going too, so I don’t want to give too much away until I get it going.

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1 Comment

Posted by on July 20, 2010 in blogging, Crazy Talk

 

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One response to “Conflicted

  1. Abigail @ Skywaitress

    August 4, 2010 at 12:15 am

    Oh my goodness I could have written this post. I think the exact same things sometimes.

    I’m slowly trying to come into my own as a blogger and have my own voice. Of course it would help if I knew exactly what *my* voice sounded like. It’s a learning process and honestly I’m having a lot of fun along the way.

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes though.

     

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