I did something desperate on Monday…I signed up for a membership at a gym. I KNOW!! I announced it on Facebook already so this is probably old news for most of you. Okay all of you…But I am finally at a point where I’m done just looking at myself and hating me and nothing else. I’m ready to actually do something about it.
I went in today and rode a bike for 42 whole minutes. My legs were jelly and it was boring as hell but I did it. Tomorrow I am going to do some Wii dancing because I won’t be able to make it there before I have to go to work. But I like dancing so it’s all good. Oscar kinda dances with me at the start but then lets me go on my own. I’m finding new favorite songs to dance to and getting more and more high scores. But that’s easy because it’s just me playing the game.
I’m not going to turn into a marathon runner. I’m not even going to turn into a 5K runner, because that is not what I am. I have never in my life been a runner and that won’t change.
I’ve decided that it’s time for me to be healthy again. It’s time for me to be less fat. It’s time for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror with out a digusted look on my face. It’s time to get back to me. This, this fat body, isn’t me. I’m not a cute fat chick. I will never be comfortable buying clothes with butterflies and sparkles. I’m tired of trying to convince people that yes I am fat. I AM FAT. But I am not proud of it. I’m tired of it.
It’s going to be a series of baby steps to get me out of this fat body and back to the body that I remembered way back when. It didn’t take me long to gain it. And I can’t blame it on my kid. So I’m going to try my hardest to do this.I won’t talk about it every post. So no worries on that…I’m still working on some stuff and trying to get the words out of my brain and on to the computer. It’s been tough though. Most of the stuff I want to talk about is pretty tough for me to talk about and well I still don’t like hurting people’s feelings…I also want to write more crazy talk and just flow of conscious writing but again it’s scary to write that way.
Oh! Crazyness! I had 44 hits on my blog yesterday and it was all because of my hoarder post! WEIRD!
I’m thinking about adding a page and doing almost a daily diary of my life at the Mart. Just to show people that it’s not crazy all the time. Or I might just have to do a new blog all together for it and make it anonymous so I don’t get “fired” if they can do that.
Alright it’s late and Oscar will be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow. Because that’s how he rolls.