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Damn You Depression.

12 Apr

I hate being dramatic.

I always end up feeling really dramatic when it comes to being depressed. I am going to start taking medication again and if I remember to, I’ll get a call in to the community health clinic to talk to someone about all my ailments. I hate doing this because most of the time I feel like a woman with a “weak constitution” and nothing else really. I can’t put my finger on anything that is the matter with me, so I lump it all in with my depression. But what I want to know is why am I depressed now that the weather is getting warmer and nicer? Isn’t that a little backwards? It’s typical for me though, this happens every summer. Why? I have no idea. I’m feeling very lonely. I blame my sister for moving. (that’s totally not true Melly)

I keep telling myself: “I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow.” And then tomorrow shows up and then I never do what I keep telling myself to do.

I wish I had something deep and profound to say.

I read a lot of other blogs from other women who deal with depression and big life issues and they always have something profound to say about it. And here I am, just sitting and not knowing what to type or what to say. I just want to curl up and not talk anymore. Everything is irritating and aggravating and I no longer want to deal with it.

I know that I will get through this. If you want to tell me this you can. I’m giving you permission and I promise I will not roll my eyes at any comment I get. I know that the women in my family are all on some sort of medication for depression so I know we’re all going through something similar. It just doesn’t change the alone feeling.

I do a lot of down playing and pretending that it’s not there, but it is. I do a lot of smiling and a lot of joking but I think that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re depressed. You’re not supposed to let people know that you feel like shit. You’re just supposed to push it down put a smile on your face and go on with your day. And that’s in the end what I’m tired of.

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1 Comment

Posted by on April 12, 2010 in Depression Drama

 

One response to “Damn You Depression.

  1. subWOW

    April 13, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!! I want to do the Rob Schneider “you can do it!” impression but it’s hard over the internet. Just try and see me do that, ok? You know, you have to first imagine me as a Chinese woman, well, because I am. Then I am going to have the weird Rob Schneider eyes and body language all mastered because in my virtual life I am a master comedian and I can impersonate anybody I want to.

    Depression is a real illness. I don’t care what Tom “That’s so John Mayer” Cruise says. Don’t feel that you need to pretend to be happy, esp. if it’s making it even worse for you! Have you ever read this one by the Bloggess? http://thebloggess.com/?p=4304

    Take care of yourself. YOU CAN DO IT!!

     

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