I have a sneeking suspicion that Jesse wants a baby. Yeah that’s right, I don’t want one, JESSE does. I swear. Okay maybe it’s because there’s baby fever going around and fifty million women are pregnant and happy. But my heart is for some reason really really suffering from baby fever. And they stare at me at work, by the way. Any time a woman with a baby under one comes through my line the baby looks at me and smiles. I SWEAR TO GOD! And they whisper to me. “Raaannnnddddaaaa you know you want a baby!” And I say “NO BABY! I DON’T WANT ANOTHER ONE!” And then Oscar doesn’t cuddle with me and I want a baby.
Okay so I don’t want to go all mushy on you or freak you out but I’ve been feeling less then whole lately. You know that feeling that religious people always talk about and then they have a spiritual movement or something? That’s what’s going on right now, in my heart. Yeah I said it. I’m a little worried about putting this out there for the ridicule I will endure from friends and relatives. But this is what is going on. I feel like it’s time now, it’s time to add to my heart. I have been thinking even about adopting but I know we can’t afford that, and we can’t foster because we only have a three bedroom house and apparently rules here in WA are that the foster kid has to have their own room. What is that all about?? I think though I am going to keep yearning for a baby and keep my IUD in place for a while. Like I said in the previous post, I want to get back into shape. I want to be healthy, and I think I’ll do that and get some good habits in place before subjecting my body to that again, and maybe the next time I’ll cope better. Who knows. All this is are thoughts that run through my head. And I have to get them out there so they don’t drive me crazy.
So I know everyone has an opinion on when to have babies. What do you think is a good age spread? I honestly am thinking of taking my mom’s advise and waiting until he’s at least 5, because as she says Oscar demands attention, and if I had one now who knows what he would do. And I would end up being a haggard mess.