Apparently I’m already Clean?

So I’ve decided to actually start being proactive about my weight. To start this whole new journey I got this: Mostly because Jillian looks crazy mean and she really wants me to be cleansed. Then burnt. And because it’s been recomended to me by Jillian to use before starting any weight loss program. I figure the 14 days will give me some time to think about seriously starting a weight loss program. I started my first 7 days which is the cleanse on Friday. And can I tell you that nothing has really happened. Except for some weird little things that I contribute to reading about what is supposed to happen. No big fireworks in the bathroom to signal that I’m going to lose 20lbs of crap from my bowels. All I’m doing at the moment it peeing. A LOT. And I think this is because I have dry mouth and want to drink all the time. I read on some sort of chat page that the cleanse pills take away your water and your electrolytes which worries me, because don’t I need those things?! So I’ve been drinking more water, and it goes right through me. So maybe my kidneys and urinary system is getting a good cleanse but my digestive system is just going as it usually does. Which isn’t a lot. I’m not giving up on it though. I give up on everything. And if this is going to be the start of something, I’m not going to quit. Oh and the directions don’t tell you what to eat. So I’m eating the same things, I just started eating LESS of what I already am. Well except that box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese…that was gone. I don’t even know what happened there…I swear to God.
After getting done with the 7 day cleanse it’s on to the 7 day probiotic replenishment and “burn” where the pills now give me back all the probiotics I lost during the cleanse in my digestive system. And then the “burn” pills SAY that they relase the mature fat cells in my body. That would be nice because these fat cells are going on 12 years and I’m done with them! Move out mature fat cells! Go to college or something already!! Oh and I’m doing this all before my friend V comes to visit me because I want to lose like 100lbs in two weeks. Because that is totally realistic. (And I’m totally being funny right now)

Anyway the whole point of this is that I want to be fit and healthy again. I keep looking at fit and healthy women and think “I want to be like that.” I’m tired of not being healthy. And to be politically un-hip I’m tired of being FAT. There I said it. I am not a cute fat girl. There are very beautiful large women who don’t have health problems and are comfortable and lovely and I wish WISH I was one of them. But I’m not. I have a fat ugly potato face and my body is an odd shape. I miss being athletic. I miss being able to walk from the front of a store to the back with out being out of breath. And a bit of TMI but I’m tired of not being able to “groom myself” because I can’t see anything down there with out lifting a big fold of fat. I know that I wrote a post about my weight before, and my view of myself. But this is a progression. I think I am now ready to actually DO SOMETHING about it. I’m getting it done. Who knows where I’m going to end up. I hope that I end up healthy. I’ll keep saying healthy. Because I know that I am not at a healthy place right now. Body wise. Mind-wise…well that’s a whole different post.

And now it’s time to get off the computer and get going on some real world errands.