So here’s the deal. The ladies over at Renegade Moms wanted all their readers who have blogs to write one about their vagina. And they’re having a contest to see who has the best post/story about their vagina. So with thoughts of total regret in my mind and a couple giggles I start this process of telling you the story about the badger.
About a year ago, due to lack of hygiene and general misuse I found that a badger had moved into my vagina. It was revealed to me after my gyno had to pry my encrusted/cemented vagina open at my last annual exam. She had to get out a crowbar and gain leverage by putting her foot on the examination table but she was able to crack the seal and was surprised to see this:
Staring back at her. Needless to say she was shocked and appalled. She should have been worried from the start if you ask me. Crow-barring someone’s hoo-haw is pretty worrisome. Now how he got in there I have no idea. But from then on I knew instinctively that when I felt a little twinge of pain, it wasn’t just my ovulation time, or mere menstrual cramps. It was my badger. Clawing around in my uterus. So when my period showed up unannounced after four months, I just figured it was Mr. Badger rearranging in there. And according to my calculations he was trying to beat the ground hog on the whole “predicting spring” gig. But he got stuck and had to dig around to try and find his way out. I know that he was just trying to find his way out because I found a crude drawing of my uterus and I’m pretty sure it was an escape plan. So now I’ve become accustom to the familiar feelings of pain that I associate with the badger. Oh and any name suggestions will be taken into consideration.