Feelings of Hopelessness

23 Jan

I don’t even know where to start with this post. I’m on the edge of a cliff. I know I haven’t really delved deep into my feelings on this blog and I honestly don’t treat this place like my own personal journal because there are things that I don’t like to put out there, even when I know no one is REALLY reading. But at this point in time I’m worried about myself. I don’t have a flair for the dramatic on here at all but I have to say that I feel like I’m in either a free fall or a tail spin, I can’t tell. I just realized where I’m at in my life and I don’t want to be here. I look around at where I am and where I came from and I wonder how and why someone can be so mediocre.
I wonder sometimes if I should just give up and realize that I’m going to be nothing. I should just give up and know that one day I’m going to look at myself in the mirror and I will be 50 and working at Wal Mart. And not in management, but as a cashier still. And I will still be living like I do now day to day, and still  wondering why all the time.

I don’t want to work full time at Wal Mart. I would rather walk through fire then to have to spend 40 hours of my life every week there. Let me tell you, it’s not the worst place in the world to work, I know this. I could be shoveling pig shit or something equally as gross, but I am not cut out to stand on my feet for 40 hours a week. I can barely handle my 30 hours that I’m getting right now. If I lived in a perfect world I would be at home all the time. But that is my lottery dream coming back.

So back to the internet business that I got pitched for last night. The lady called me today and of course their number came up “unknown” so I didn’t answer. She sounds nice enough, so I’m not sure. I need something to throw myself into.

So what do you all think? You all three that read this…if someone approached you to start a business that is “like Amazon” would you do it? I went to the website and it’s reminiscent of Amway so I’m leery. I don’t know. We’re willing to try anything without having to pay money to get going. Which I have a feeling at the end of the pitch there is going to be a grab for money. I talked with Jesse about it and he’s down to look into it. So we’ll see.

1 Comment

Posted by on January 23, 2010 in Angry Ranting, Introspection



One response to “Feelings of Hopelessness

  1. Tracy

    January 25, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    I just wanted to say I know exactly what you’re going through & that I’m right there with you. I see all these amazing things happening to other people; things that I want but am lacking the energy to do anything about it, which I know gives me no right to complain about it. (not implying that you have no motivation!) hugs, & if you get the answer to life’s question, be sure to let me know!


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