The theme this month is “Best” over at http://www.nablopomo.com/ So that’s what I’m doing. Well first I’m trying to figure out what the hell I can do with “Best” and then second, I’m blogging all my thoughts about “best.”
www.dictionary.com defines “best” as:
–adjective, superl. of good with better as compar.
||of the highest quality, excellence, or standing: the best work; the best students.
||most advantageous, suitable, or desirable: the best way.
||largest; most: the best part of a day.
–adverb, superl. of well with better as compar.
||most excellently or suitably; with most advantage or success: an opera role that best suits her voice.
||in or to the highest degree; most fully (usually used in combination): best-suited; best-known; best-loved.
||something or someone that is best: They always demand and get the best. The best of us can make mistakes.
||a person’s finest clothing: It’s important that you wear your best.
||a person’s most agreeable or desirable emotional state (often prec. by at).
||a person’s highest degree of competence, inspiration, etc. (often prec. by at).
||the highest quality to be found in a given activity or category of things (often prec. by at): cabinetmaking at its best.
||the best effort that a person, group, or thing can make: Their best fell far short of excellence.
||a person’s best wishes or kindest regards: Please give my best to your father.
–verb (used with object)
||to get the better of; defeat; beat: He easily bested his opponent in hand-to-hand combat. She bested me in the argument.
When I was in counseling we did a lot of talking about what type of person I am…and what I have come to find out is: I am a perfectionist. To quote one of my favorite movies Trainspotting “I’m a bit of a perfectionist, you know I’ve got to be the best or I cannot be bothered” (not direct quote, and you have to read that in a very muddled Scottish accent.) This is me because I hate not being perfect. I know I’m not perfect, I know that I will never attain perfection and this really gets to me. Daily. Most of the time if I know I’m not going to be perfect at something I don’t want to do it. I’ve also found out that with a lot of things I do I start out perfect, and then over time I get sloppy and am no longer “perfect.” These leads to problems as you can see over time because since I couldn’t be the “best” at something I gave up. If I couldn’t be better at something then someone else why even try it in the first place? I’ve always wanted to be the Best at something. And somehow I’ve never been able to become the best at anything I’ve tried.
Now since my life has shifted to being a “mom” I have tried to be the “best” mom I can be. And THAT right there is the crux of it. What does “being the best YOU can be” mean? If it’s just being MY best then can it be anything? I mean if I can’t be any better then what I am right now then what is the point in trying any harder to become “better.” And can I be better then I already am?
With all these heavy questions looming I’m hoping that a bit of introspection this month will help me figure out what I need to do to be the “best” Randa I can be.
I will say this though, this might be one of several of these types of posts this month. But I will definitely try and keep it light and fun because that’s what I like.