Convoluted Jiggle Bellies

03 Mar

Leslie always acuses her husband of going after “giggle bellies” (women with a big gut obviously). He said something the other day about working at JC Penny, and Leslie asked if he was going to work in the lengerie department so he can take a woman’s bra off in 5 minutes. And he said “no I want to work in the plus sizes.” “why so you can chase around the giggle bellies??” and then she made groping gestures with her hands. She’s been going to the gym lately and working with a trainer, she talked to her mom today and her lovely mom says “I just hope your going for you and not some other reason…” Like she was going because her husband hates her and will not love her until she’s 110lbs. Then her mom continues and says “Well its not like you’ll ever be super skinny.” Awesome, I wish I had a mom like hers! I would have a way more interesting blog.

Today on the phone we talked about my boobs, and how they’re saggy and when I was in the garage looking in the freezer they froze to the floor, well my nipples did anyway…and Jesse came in to help and I swung around and they sliced at him like light sabers. This was all her talking by the way, I am not this funny…then after she says this crap about my boobs being light sabers she says “well talk to you later!”

Leslie and I hadn’t seen eachother in 5 years or so and we talked about meeting up in Portland to go to the zoo with the families. While we were planning this we were asking ourselves “what are we going to do when we see eachother?” “will we scream like 13 year old girls?” “No we will run up to eachother and our fat bodies will knock together and we will be thrown to the ground where we will just roll around for a while because we’re too fat to get off the ground.” Neither of us take our weight very seriously, this must be a problem.

I ate way too much today, it was like I was starving all day. I must be pregnant. If I’m pregnant I will change the title of my blog to PREGO RANDA PANTS! No I won’t I’ll have to brain storm with Leslie to figure out a very snappy title for ANOTHER blog about someone being pregnant and all the joys that come with it. But it won’t be joyus, I will write all about my puking and my heartburn, and how I can’t sleep and how I can’t eat, and then I will tell an uncensored version of the delivery and how I hemoraged afterward and had some doctor in my hoo-haa up to his elbows to clean out all the clots. (This happend the last time I was stupid enough to have a baby). Hopefully if I do end up pregnant I will loose 20 lbs during the pregnancy again. That will get me down to 200lbs…and then this time I vow to keep it off.

I must not be pregnant, there’s something else going on, it must be stress that I’m not paying attention to that is making me hungry. The stress that Jesse went to work for a whole four hours today, and still hasn’t heard anything about his unemployment coming through. Or the stress that I for some reason can’t even be considered by a head shop as an aplicible canditate. I would sell the shit out of glass “smoking pipes” I would! Then I would have fodder for this fledgling blog. Am I talking out of my range here? I feel like I’m talking way above myself today for some reason. Maybe its the frozen fingers and boobs.

I just got done reading “Wicked,” I think it took maybe a day and a half. I LOVED IT! I never liked The Wizard of Oz, never…so to see it written this way was wonderful for me. I liked the whole story of the Witch’s life and her view on what happened. I liked her version much better then Dorothy’s. I never liked Dorothy or her silly little dog.
So now I’m on to “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” which is to me, if I could write a book is pretty much how I would sound. So I love it. I also started “The Time Travelers Wife” and “The Angel of Darkness” Yes I start several books so I can go back and forth when I get tired of reading one, just incase I get tired. I started with The Angel of Darkness, but then I got AHWSG and had to start that one, but then I got Wicked back from my aunt and started that one at her house on Sunday and finished it last night. But now I’m totally engrossed with AHWSG so I will probably get done with it by tomorrow. I’ll have to update my “book list.”

I really should put more thought into this whole blog thing and maybe get a little more organized and add pictures and spend hours a day getting the whole thing ready and then unveil it to the world for all to see and enjoy. Ugh so much work though!

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Posted by on March 3, 2009 in books, Crazy Talk


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