Questions on Being "fixed"

21 Jan

I had my last counseling appointment. I wasn’t prepared for it. I thought that I had more time and more issues to go over, but I do believe that I have made great strides in the past three months. And compared to this summer I am worlds better. I have talked to my sister and she is getting the kids into daycare but I still will help her out with certain things, because that’s what I do as a sister. I help.
My new quest is to be more positive in my day, which is a big task for me as I’m a fairly negative person, I know outwardly to other people I might seem positive but truly I’m negative. I get that from my dad. I want to be more positive in my outlook though. Not fake happy but really happy. That’s the biggest deal for me.
I have done some good things though since starting counseling, I started coaching, I started scrap booking, I leave the house on more occasions. It is really hard for me to get out of the house when it is sooo cold. I am the worlds biggest wuss when it comes to being cold.
So I guess I might have to change the title of this blog since I’m “fixed” oh wait, I forgot, once depressed your always depressed, just now I know how to control it. I’m not getting off my meds just yet though, if I don’t have a counselor to depend on I don’t know if I could cut my self back on those anytime soon.
I know that I have the tools now to cope with my depression and I know that I need to start liking myself, but that has been a life long struggle for me. To be able to pat myself on the back without sounding fake or hollow is going to be a big step in my world. I do believe that I am doing a good job with my coaching, the girls are learning they’re getting better every game, even though they are small strides but they are strides none the less.
the first thing that I am doing now is to make sure that my mental and physical health is first and foremost. Since my mental health has taken a turn for the better my new focus will have to be my physical health. It is not good that i’m 29 and 230lbs. I know this. My first step that I have taken was to stop eating as big of meals. My intake has gone down. I think this was a big thing for me because my whole life I’ve eaten big meals. I’m still working on it though. I am not there yet. My next step is to get a good workout routine.
I have also decided to go back for reals this time. I want to be a PE teacher. I want to be a basketball coach of a very commited team. So there you have it. Me no longer depressed. I have goals to go after and I’ve got things to keep me happy.
I will continue to write, I don’t know daily because I’ve never been able to do that. Considering that I will never not be depressed I need a good outlet. I like to type all of my thoughts and feelings.

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Posted by on January 21, 2009 in Uncategorized


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